Anorexic and Bulimics
low self-esteem
superhuman expectations or perfectionistic strivings
overvalue of physical appearance in self-evaluation; terribly low body image
middle and upper-class women (90% of eating disorders fall in this category) who are smart, attractive and successful
obsessive-compulsive behaviors
high need for approval
Anorexia
desire for control
drastic change in life *all examples below describe my teenage years
disease develops between ages of 12-25
conscientious, eager to please, hard-working
high intelligence and superior scholastic performance
belief she is unworthy of love and attention
lack of communication skills and lack of desire for independence (this was not the case for me)
over-protective, rigid families (also does not apply)
loss of sexual desire
Bulimia
average weight
disease develops around the average age of 19 or higher
realizes she has a problem
problems with anxiety, depression and impulse control
deprived of affection as children
trust issues resulting in few or no satisfying relationships (again, not my case)
red, puffy face and watery eyes
swollen glands
fatigue
tooth decay
irregular heartbeats
As you can see, I fit into both of these categories. I found this excerpt on the Education Resources Information Center website. "An analysis of the results showed that bulimic women with a prior history of anorexia were more depressed than nonanorexic bulimic women. Bulimic women with a history of anorexia also reported previous treatment for weight related difficulties and a higher family income than nonanorexic bulimic women ... All women recognized their eating habits as disruptive and expressed an interest in receiving treatment."
I found myself questioning the exclusivity of my disorder when I went into Ridgeview. I didn't look like the other bulimics nor make close friends with them. My body was thin but not skeletal, while most (and I mean most in a loose sense - I don't have research to back this up, nor do I want this to be triggering for other bulimics) bulimics look healthy, almost plump-like. I was timid upon entering, harboring a few tender friendships I hold dear to this day. The other bulimics were outspoken, almost bulldozing therapy sessions, and our hallway conversations were most always dominated with the garrulous and outlandish tales of their lives. I wasn't this way. I was quiet and reserved, withdrawn until I found friends. Only then did I let loose, allowing my personality to unravel like a tightly-woven braid. I have never had a problem speaking my mind, though. My mom can attest to this. She playfully describes me as a young child, barking at customer service people, always ready to fire off my demands, never satisfied with the treatment I nor my family was receiving. I acted the same way at Ridgeview; I remember screaming at a man seated at the AA table next to ours in the cafeteria after he jokingly offered my anorexic friend a slice of chocolate cake. I was so infuriated with his lack of manners, I inherently lost sight of my own.
*Most anorexics desire a sense of control, especially if they experience changes in their lives over which they have no power. Changes that can trigger anorexia may include receiving unexpectedly low grades, rejection in a peer relationship, having a sports injury, and entering a new school.
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